i think that's a fairly true statement. women have allowed chivalry to die. whether men started chivalry on its decline or women did, i don't know, but i do know that had WE demanded it stay in place...it would have.
several weeks ago i was moving clothing on a rolling rack from my storage space to my car. on the way out of the building a young man (i know i sound like I'm 80)was walking into the building. he immediately stepped back from the door and held it open and said "allow me." of course i said "thank you" and he replied "my pleasure". as soon as it happened i started thinking how sweet he was, especially because he said things like "allow me" as though it was his honor to open the door. it just felt different than the usual guy opening the door. more genuine.
so, as I'm continuing on to the car and lost in my thoughts of how men just aren't chivalrous like they used to be, i reach my car and as i was opening the car door the wind knocked the rack down, just then another guy walks past looks down at the rack and all the clothes on the dirty parking lot ground and just keeps walking.
i couldn't believe it. i would never let anyone, male or female just stand there when they drop something. it should be human nature to offer to help. in a span of 1 minute i saw both ends of the spectrum of modern chivalry (or the lack thereof).
ever since then the idea of chivalry has been nagging at me. it reminded me of the movie Roman Holiday, with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck (I had a period where all I watched was old movies, they are so romantic).
in the movie Hepburn is a princess so some scenes are very formal in the way men treat her...but I remember things like the way Peck spoke to her and treated her and men standing up when she walked in a room. I don't understand why men still don't do that. I stand up when an elder walks in the room...and men should stand up when a lady walks in the room.
Men should always do things like open your door, pick you up at your house for a date, walk you to the door or at least wait until you get inside before they drive off, light your cigarette (i only do it when i drink), allow you to order first (even order for you in some cases), if there are 2 men in a car, the passenger should always allow you the front passenger seat, I also think men should always pay on a date. That's not a gold digger statement, that's just how it should be. If I ever offered to pay on a date and the man let me, there would NEVER be a second date. as much as i am a feminist, that one will never die.
men should also say things like that "young man" said to me..."allow me", "my pleasure", "the pleasure was all mine"...it's not only sweet and shows good breeding but it's also very sexy.
the other night, a friend somewhat jokingly kissed my hand when he greeted me..but it made me realize how it would be lovely if men always did that.
i don't want to revert back to 1950's roles of men and women. we've evolved and the power and Independence that women have today is a beautiful thing and good for men too. but just because we are independent or have successful careers does not mean we don't still want to be taken care of or protected. or treated like a lady. and i have feeling that men miss playing that role as much as women miss receiving that treatment.
i was reading an article about this topic and within the article was a quote from a facebook group called "what happened to chivalry?" an anonymous user wrote the following comment:
"Women, let us protect you or else we will fall to the next thing, and we will prey on you."
scary thought...but already proven to be true. turn on the tv and you'll see what has happened since the death of chivalry displayed on shows like rock of love, girls next door, for the love of ray j or any rap video ever made. women have always been demeaned and subjugated since the beginning of time...but it's at an all time and very public high right now...mostly because women are not only allowing it, but actively participating in it.
so with that said....i officially call for the Resurrection of chivalry!
(now, can someone tell me how i go about making that a reality?)
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good read!!! im so glad you wrote that..very well said!
ReplyDeletethis is funny, i was just watching the dvd of roman holiday 2 days ago.
ReplyDeletechivalry is dead depending on where you look. especially vh1. oh those shows are disgusting...
dinner rule: whomever invites should pay, but i always offer to pay to be polite but expect the guy to cover the bill.
"mostly because women are not only allowing it, but actively participating in it." Completely correct.
ReplyDeleteI do believe we should all be more ladylike. I think everything in moderation is generally a good thing and think everyone is too caught up in the politics of being equal. How about just being respectful?
For like minded ladies, it seems we have to take it upon ourselves to seek out feminine skills such as needlework and table setting. Girls these days don't respect themselves and hence teach men not to respect them either.
you know the best compliment i have ever gotten (that i seem to get fairly regularly) is "you're so classy". its one of those things that shouldn't even be a compliment because it SHOULD be standard. not something thats an "above and beyond" sort of thing.
ReplyDeletemaybe that's why it means so much when someone says it...because i know class is something thats lost on people these days...so sad.
i really hope women can get it together...they are really making it difficult for those of us that don't put up with just any kind of treatment or behavior...and apparently we're a dying breed.
:(
You know what Bebe.....I actually appreciated reading this post, but there is a reason why some men don't do the things you talked about anymore.
ReplyDeleteFor a long time I was a real nice guy and I still am. I was raised to do things like that and 90 percent of the time I still do. I especially do it for my elders, but I've heard so many times that women don't like nice guys, they don't want someone like that, or that they want a bad boy with bad boy traits.
A lot of the times when I really like someone I'll do those things for them, and to be truthful, it should be done for every woman, but the way society has gotten into everybody's minds at this point in life, it's ridiculous as to what we perceive the standard to be and how we should act towards one another.
I can't deny that sometimes I've gotten out of the habit of doing those things you've spoken about, when it comes to women and yes I'm not saint. Chivalry is a wonderful thing, and yes I love doing it when I actually do it, and I don't expect anything at all in return. It sort of makes me feel good sometimes. Women need to learn how to appreciate it and treat themselves as if they care about the way they present themselves around men. I absolutely love a classy woman, someone that respect herself, cares about the way she looks, and acts accordingly. It's so sexy and a wonderful thing to have in a female. Anyway....I admire that you wrote about it, maybe some people still need to be enlightened on the subject and maybe they'll wise up. I still think smoking is whack...lol, but I always thought you were a wonderful woman...but I'm not going to get into all that, but keep doing you, it's a wonderful thing to see you "doing it", love you and God bless. Take care
Matt D.
Chivalry is dead... Women killed it! The notion that you wish to be treated equally in society and at the same time expect to be put on a pedestal is extremely delusional. You have equal wages, the right to vote. Women have excellent education opportunities. in fact over %55 of college students in the USA are female. The reality is this - Open your own door and pay for your own dinner... or get back in the kitchen, start doing the laundry, and start doing all those things women used to do to deserve a chivalrous act.
ReplyDeleteto "that": obviously you completely missed the point of what i was saying and im sure you're beyond help. the fact that you used a basically anonymous profile name proves to me that you just want to make wild statements to get a rise out of people, but in reality you just showed how ignorant you are and how much you lack manners or respect for women. so i wont take up any more of your time, so you can get back to beating your wife. have a fantastic day. jackass.
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